When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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