Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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