one two three fourrrrnication!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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