Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
