dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
