The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
