I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
