They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
