worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This house was built for laser tag.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
