i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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