i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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