I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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