So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
