i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
