The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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