I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
