Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
