I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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