hotel room ftw
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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