I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
