I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
