I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
