i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize