guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
third nipple confirmed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
