did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
