guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
