I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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