it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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