I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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