anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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