Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
