I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
