god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
