There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
