Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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