I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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