You smell like a Billy Joel song
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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