so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
