Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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