Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
