peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
