It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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