You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize