I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
