I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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