he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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