Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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