Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
