Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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