Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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