There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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