A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
