how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
