At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
