Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Drake has all the answers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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