Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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