I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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