just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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