My girlfriend figured out who you are.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
