I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
