I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
