They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
