just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
