My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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