You work out of a Hotel?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
