Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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