I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
