Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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